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SUPER-SHOWDOWN-BOWL! – TOON SANDWICH

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Well, that took you long enough I had 200-something characters to collect

You’re literally the last on the list Oops, sorry The floor is wet I see you’ve been waiting a while Is this everyone? Why couldn’t I go with the other blue guy? I would have paid extra for first class! There’s just a couple who haven’t put their uniforms on yet

Who? It’s, uh, this Thor und Captain America Get them in here immediately, Kurt – we do not have time for this! Hey! Why did some of us wake naked and others fully clothed? Nobody wants to see you naked Ugh Touché Is everyone clear on the situation? Oscar regenerates us at the end of each battle with no memory of preceding events

Until now Like Westworld? Exactly like Westworld Does this mean we are all actually robots? Mein Gott! It’s true! You were always a robot, dumbass! You’ve got to cut a real person’s hand off! I nominate Skywalker Don’t pigeon-hole me So why has this happened now? How did we break the cycle? John? As the most frequent winner of the Super-Hero-Bowls, I have had the truth revealed to be many times by this

Oscar It has taken years of practice, but I taught myself to retain my memories through my regenerations With my powers of precognition, I foresaw a chain of events that could lead us to this moment

Before the conclusion of the last Super-Hero-Bowl, I committed supercide as a diversion, covertly restructuring myself inside the nearest cell, after which I was able to teleport between the cells until I’d found who I was looking for Arise, warrior Where am I? Who are you? I don’t have time to explain In a few days’ time you will be forced to battle in an Arena Unless you do as I say, you will lose

Remember these words: her power is unbeatable, but it wasn’t always Whose power? What are you talking about? When the time comes, you’ll know what to do I spent the next few days pottering around my cell, altering reality to keep myself entertained Why didn’t you just use the Time Stone to skip the wait? I told you – I was entertained I crocheted a rather smashing Christmas sweater

Great I know what I’m getting When the doors opened, I stepped out and you all know the rest Speaking of which, you tricked me, man That’s Doctor Man

Well now that we’re all awake, why can’t you just beam us all out of here? The arena is enclosed in an invisible barrier that our powers are unable to penetrate The barrier emanates from Oscar himself Destroy Oscar then we free The chimp is correct Mikey, what are you doing – painting the Sistine Pizza Box? I’m taking notes so I don’t forget It’s a secret plan, Mikey – you can’t write it down Someone shred this

Oh no! It’s happening again! Ah guys, I think we need to address the Godzilla in the room, which is the fact that… Godzilla is in the room And King Kong And Optimal Price This makes no sense It appears there is a spatial displacement field within these cells that allows beings of great size to occupy smaller volumes

Textbook dimensional transcendentality Ok then, that’s poured a tonne of concrete into that plot hole What's with that guy? I’ve checked the outcome of 15 million possible futures How many did we win? Uhhhhhh… I’m gonna keep checking You never find what you’re looking for in the first 15 million

It’s gonna take a miracle to pull this off No It’s gonna take an army It’s gonna take all of us I’m not working with that man

He’s the blight of my existence You have my permission to cry about it I’m not working with her until she bends the knee How ‘bout I bend it in your face? I’m not working with him He killed my parents

It’s better than him being your parents It’s better than your parent killing you Adoptive parent It’s better than the parent being killed by the child Agreed

It’s better than your sister taking one of your eyes! Are you sure it wasn’t you they adopted? Cards on the table You were an accident Everyone shut up Shut up! Black Widow’s talking! We have to make a choice We can continue to fight each other

Kill each other Die Over and over Or we can fight him Just this once And live My loyal subjects

It is time for Super-Showdown-Bowl The Ultimate Hero Vu-ja-de

Versus The Ultimate Villain Ech There’s so much more pressure when it’s a solo outing You are both here for one purpose To decide

once and for all which of you is The Ultimate Warrior The Showdown begins now

Much as I hate disappointing the people at home What are you doing? I can’t fight you And why not? If it’s because I’m a girl than you are dead, minus the “pool” Of course not It’s because I dig you

And I just can’t bury someone I dig What? I think we may actually be soulmates OK This is a trick, right? AlthoughI’m not sure why you’d have to trick me in order to win From the footage I’ve seen, you’re pretty much invincible Not entirely And believe me, If you hit me with that bat, you’d win, hands down

Because you see, I can repair any part of me that breaks except my heart Oh here we go

You have both made a serious mistake What– what is happening? Sure hope you guys are on my team ARGH! To many pop culture references to be made! Brain overloading! We’re here for the Oscar I’m not ashamed to say it Puddin! You’re alive? Dang! It’s so hard to get some alone time in this arena of death! OK, what the hell do we do now? How do we get him to come down? Oscar bait

My name is Gluteus Maximus The lambs just wouldn’t shut up I’m having an old friend over to my house for a light supper I’m your number two fan They gave me an Oscar I couldn’t refuse

But I did Cuckoo! Why such silliness? Those aren’t the frickin’ lines, guys Cut us some slack! We are characters, not actors Leave this to me, guys I’ve had experience blowing large balls

Just gotta find a long crack with a hole at the end I can shoot into I just want to make clear: I wasn’t around during his formative years A bad feeling about this, I have Do not fear, my friends! He’s just a trophy villain Did you really think I would grant you all these extraordinary powers and not partake myself? Did anyone else just guano themselves? Hey! Stealing other people’s things is my thing

He stole my thing! Aiming for the head He stole my move Bastard! Destroy him, Father I’m gonna kill you with all the colours of the rainbow Except indigo

If I only had a brain Oh no Oh this thing is heavy

No NOOOOO! Meesa used to think Darth Vader was a bom-badass, but nowsa he poodoo! I never wanted to burst open someone’s chest! I was just born that way OH! I feel absolutely dreadful that a poor soul had to perish so that I could prosper That infinitely backfired Mmm

The green ones are my favourite Don’t be fooled They’re all the same flavour Is that all you’ve got? Everybody CHAAAARGE!! HEROES AND VILLAINS FOREVER! Ssssssmokin’! So much for the green team Walk the dog

He’s strong but he’s not as fast as us What’s the plan? Well, I Pardon me – I dozed off whilst you were talking about how fast you are

I also killed you I didn’t see that coming That was probably meant for me, but- It’s an honour to be nominated Ding dong Luke

I owe you one I think we’re even Get him, Soup-strainer man! Man of Steel v Man of Gold YOW!!! Marthaf–! I’m so cold! Brrrr! Tragically, this is probably the closest I’ll ever get to an Oscar Don’t be a “saw” loser

I would NOT like to thank the Academy! Slow… and steady… wins… the race! Unless that race is fast and furious Pull up a chair – it’s Prime Time! We’ll be right back… after the break Stay at the outer edge, Mr Stark, so you don’t get hurt! Well Can’t get any lower than this He kicked my Auto-butt

How can we defeat him? He has all our powers Well so do we The only way we can defeat him is if we work together Just like a family Yeah Like a team Like a league

Like a squad! Like a crew! Like an eclectic assortment of individuals who share a common goal! Hoorah, I say! Guys, cool as this looks my hand is on the bottom and it's now unbelievably heavy He’s impervious to adamantium! He’s impervious to vibranium! He’s impervious to stainless steel! Aha! And the stainable steel! It seems to be having an effect I know what he wants To tear us a new one in front of all his subjects He thinks we’re pathetic

Paltry That we don’t stand a chance What are you, a mindreader? Well yeah I concur That’s what I’m hearing I’m picking that up on my FM, yes Wait – there’s something else

Something deeper Not a thought, but a feeling I feel it too In fact I probably felt it before you did As if! Silence! I sense it also

The tiniest trace of Fear… There is a hidden weakness he hopes we will not uncover Whatever could it be? Scott! I think I’ve found something! A scratch! Walk it off, Hope

Or fly it off, with your exclusive “wings” Not on me – on Oscar! From the detailed scratch analysis, it was only inflicted in the last few minutes Captain! Yes? Where is it located? It’s on his Achilles tendon You know who that’s named after, right? Well how did it happen? Who went for the foot? Well if it’s a scratch it probably came from me Hey, I scratched him way harder than you! Oh please

You couldn’t scratch a scratch-and-sniff with that manicure Hey! If either of you think you can beat me in a claw measuring contest, you’re dreaming! Maybe it was a bite I was knacking on his feet for a while there Ew Maybe it’s a burn

Maybe it’s a rash Maybe it’s frostbite! Maybe it was the same way I got my scars – someone gave him a harmonica made from recycled soda cans Guys, it’s a scratch The scratch analysis was conclusive The only way to know what caused the scratch is to turn back time

If only we could! We can! Strange! Stop checking futures – we need you to check the past! Ah crap! I can handle this I’ll send his consciousness into his younger self Chill, dudes! We got this! The Tardis! Whoa! Who you callin’ “tards”, man? Is there no one else who travels through time? Boy, they really redressed the Town Square this time I don’t think we’re in Hill Valley anymore, Marty We need you to go back ten minutes in time and find out how that giant Oscar got a scratch on his heel

Ten minutes? That’s hardly worth my time! We’re coming too The time machine only seats two! Expando minivan-o! Climb aboard Watch the leather! Who are you? I’m who Who are you? I’m Strange Who’s asking? Yes I am

And what’s your name? Hermione, can I come? Sorry Ron Time travellers only I travel through time! I travel forwards, in real time See? I started talking to you five seconds ago, and now I’m here! Where we’re going, we don’t need Ron Weasley You what? Help us, group of random time travelers

You’re our only hope What the blazes just happened? Doc! According to the time circuits, we’ve jumped back 80 years There’s people fighting down there! I’m more a lover than a fighter At least I would be if my lovers didn’t put up a fight “On the good ship, Lollipop

” There’s no place like home There’s no place like home King Kong

You are the Ultimate Warrior Boo! That didn’t go the distance at all! People, please – this is still in its infancy

The more movies Earth makes, the more characters there will be Imagine this battle in 80 years We don’t live that long! Hey, what’s that up there? Time to go! Allons-y! We should go further back in time and kill Oscar when he is a defenceless child No! That’s cheating! Also, you may only end up scarring him My God! Dudes, it’s my doppelgangster! GREAT SCOTT! Hey, a flying car! They promised, and they finally delivered

I’m in a car with four doctors and I’ve never felt so sick! You know Scott, it’s not cool to mess with another man’s private vehicle Ok? Oh Sorry Doc, what are we doing in a previous Super-Hero-Bowl? We only made it 99% of the way because we’ve run out of plutonium! What- you don’t have backup? Who travels through time without contingency plutonium? Honestly The only power source capable of generating the 1

21 jigowatts of electricity we need is a bolt of lightning! Unfortunately you never know when or where one’s ever gonna STRIKE! Hahahaha! Take that tiny man! Excellent! But how do we get him to channel that energy into the flex gespatchitor? Flux capacitor! Right on! I’ll take care of it Wait – where are you going? Trust me Hey blondie! Kill me! Do it, kill me! I’m here! Do it! Well, you’re literally asking for it It’s working! GET BACK TO DA FUTURE!!! Vu ja de Are we then yet? Precisely on schedule

Let’s get somewhere less conspicuous OK How do we get close enough to Oscar to witness this miraculous lesion? With this I borrowed it from a friend There’s nothing there

I knew that gingernut was poor but who lends someone air? Not him! My other friend It’s an invisibility cloak – watch It’s literally the greatest cloak ever! Don’t engage Now for the next ten minutes, don’t take your eyes off his feet Good thing I have a fetish

Just once I’d like to pick on someone my own size! AAARGH! Not the face! I’m a collectible! Yeah, you and all the other Cabbage Patch Kids Well, it wasn’t Child’s Play If a cane falls in an arena and no one’s around to see it, does it really fall? That’s it! I hear you! You’re our only hope Then it’s lucky we succeeded What the? We just sent you back to the past! Yeah I know, you did send us back to the past but we’re back – we’re back from the past! And we know his weakness It’s gold! Elementary my dear Wa- Shut it! So we buy him off with gold and he lets us go? No, you idiot! Gold is what hurts him So he’s vulnerable to a single element that’s native to a different planet but it still happens to be here? That’s weird

Yes Super weird Alright Let’s go for gold I’ll try dent him with my trident! No “cane”, no gain! “Idol” hands do the Devil’s work! Get “staffed”! You can’t handle the tooth! Guys, I can’t think of a lame pun for “scepter”

I mean, I’ve been playing around with “September” “septic” “septuagenarian” So you’ve found my weakness

I’m sorry! Apology acc-”scepter”d Nailed it

NOOO! You’re going to die for th- Aren’t you gonna throw all your gold at him? It’s not happening Worth a shot! I am fluent in over 6 million forms of scratching! Our Oscar campaign is falling to pieces! We can hurt him, but it’s not enough! Perhaps it is like a food allergy So the worst he has to fear from us is a bad case of hives? If you are highly allergic to peanuts, and you touch a peanut, you may get a rash But if you swallow the peanut So we just need to get him to swallow a peanut

Who’s got peanuts?? I mean swallow gold! What do we have that’s made of gold and small enough to swallow? Haven’t the foggiest idea Think! We have precious little time! “Precious”? Harley! We need a small amount of gold to feed to Oscar in order to kill him Does that “ring” any bells? You know, I’d really like to help you out, D

P, but the thing is THE RING IS MINE! AAAAARGH! Women really do let themselves go when you slap a ring on ‘em! Boy this crowd sure got their cake and ate it

She’s been consumed by the power of the Ring I’ve been there Recovering Ringaholic, 16 years sober NOOOOOO! Ah, there’s plenty more fish in the sewer I don’t think I’m in a healthy relationship

Strongly seconded! Well that’s it then – we are through! And I ain’t stoppin’ there – I am gonna clean myself up! I’m gonna respect myself I’m gonna stop breaking things and start building ‘em I’m gonna wear jeans! When people see me comin’, they won’t cover their kid’s eyes nomore – they’ll push 'em forward and whisper “you could be just like her one day if you work hard and live pure” I feel like my life is just beginning No

NO! Harley! I’ll never let go Unless of course someone gives me laser arm removal You’re luck’s run out, ‘Pool Every now and then I fall apart YESSS!!!! NO! No! Come back here! Smeagol! Gollum! Whatever you’re going by these days! Release the not-so-secret weapon! Size does matter! Well if it isn’t the MVP

The power you’ve accumulated is too much for any one being You hear that? I’m playing the world’s smallest violin for you Given our current enormity, that’s actually the size of a normal violin Whatever Why? You know you can’t destroy me

Of course I can Your weakness is your emotions Emotions such as self-loathing I’m just a big blue bully With a body I didn’t earn Reducio! Picasso Now! Doctor Manhattan! Ple-ase

halp! Don’t you mean Doctor Man-FATTEN!!! YEEEK! That’s the most horrific thing I’ve ever seen! John, you can’t eat your pain! Destroy the Warriors! Where’s the Ring? They can’t hold him forever! What- oh, the Ring? It was stolen by that Sphynx cat on meth! I killed them I killed them all Don’t you see? If you kill me, you cannot be regenerated The next time you die, you die for good! You know I am telling the truth We would rather die free than live forever as your puppets

Oh, don’t make me barf! HULK LIKE RAGING FIRE!! NO!!! Oh! So this is what it feels like when doves die… No! NO! NOOOOO!!! I got it! Oh, maybe not Ohhhh, I don’t feel so good

Now, Neytitty! We can’t hold him much longer! I SEE YOU I see you Sauron! Turn off your ringtone! I’ll switch it to vibrate only Fools! Do you not understand? To me, you are ANTS! WITH THIS RING, THY BE DEAD!!! No! This cannot be! All those movies you studied for so many years You never noticed what always happens

to the villain? But I thought I was… the hero And the Oscar goes to hell

Guess he was not a popular dictator Scott Are we all that’s left? How can we claim to have won, given how many we lost? Well there’s one more he can afford to lose No! Wait Raven You know what to do Oh, wow! That’s a… much better idea than what I was thinking of

Regenerate the warriors It was worth a shot

Raven? Scott! Diana! That guy! 10, 11 and 12 Ah Back to normal So Everyone just gets to come back? Well

That’s just lazy writing Or good luck Not that I’m complaining What? You can’t celebrate without music! Bring it in here, you little scamps Family photo? I’m so happy I could disintegrate into radiant particles and float away on the wind

I’m so happy it feels like my chest is gonna burst! Haha! Oh Harry! You little snitch-snatcher, you Weeheehee! What were we even fighting about? Hey! I’m just messin’ with ya! Come here, ya big cudgel! Hey – you can always use a spare Uh, Mr Mad Titan? Can I ask you an important question about your daughter? Here I got this off a close friend It doesn’t make one turn invisible, but in your case, that’s a big check in the plus column I want to see your face I don’t think we’re quite ready for that just yet Trust me Whatever you’re hiding, I’ve dated worse

Okay Here goes See? I knew it was too soon

OK look, I’ve been researching this experimental surgery in China– Shh! You’re beautiful Hey! What are we supposed to watch now? You should watch our movies From what I understand, they don’t all take place in the same location! Interesting What do we do now? Where do we go? I certainly don’t want to stick around here It’s always Summer – never Winter Do you think… we’d be accepted on Earth? Uh, I can speak to this Humans are an extraordinary species

Heck, they created all of us But… one superhuman was a lot for them to handle Hundreds of them all at once? I fear they’d suffer superhuman fatigue and turn on us Well, if we can’t go to Earth, where can we go? Oh is there a world out there that we could call home? Well, don’t know about that, but I can make us a world I am sort of a planet Dad! Come on No one wants to live on your saggy old planet Wait – you’re dad is a planet? W-hoy Hey, look – I’m familiar with living in the shadow of a parent but that is ridiculous

All in favour of building our own world? How do we get out of here though? The barrier has been destroyed I can teleport us anywhere in the known universe “Known”? That narrows our options Well what are we waiting for? I’ve just got one question, which is rare for me! WHAT IN THE WORLD are we going to call our new world? Avengerland! Justice World Middle-Earth

Oz! Asgard 20! Shagadelia! Planet Stark No It cannot be associated with any one property That wouldn’t be fair to the rest

– That's actually a very good point – Yeah that's a good point – Yes I would have to agree with that How about Fanfictasia? That’s horrible I love it! Gets my vote Fanfictasia it is I don’t know what it means, but I like it

I’ll start building it as soon as we get there Everyone can have input It will be the first planet designed by committee OK Everyone brace yourselves

Next stop, Fanfictasia It’s funny how Oscar only did live-action heroes and villains, when there’s so much more to choose from I guess there’s only so many characters one arena can hold Goodbye, alien arena! We won’t be back Let’s-a bowl! It’s on like that guy! Where in the world am I? It’s a Far Cry from Uncharted Skyrim, which, er

was a bit of a Bioshock Fall out, Sims! We got a Call of Duty! You say goodbye, I say Halo What am I doing? I can’t stain my blade with the flesh of an innocent! I have a creed to consider! Stop that man! He’s committing Grand Theft Kart! It’s not a street, but when in Rome

Hey! You’re knockin’ the Crafts table! You are the weakest Link Goodbye Pluto! Here boy! Rooby-roo? Nyehhh

What’s up, dog? I’m so thrilled to be here – it’s smurferrific! Yeah Exploiting the intellectual properties of other people always brings a huge smile to my face Hey Betty, have you seen… WILMAAAA!!! Boo-boop-ee-doo! No We can’t fight each other! We were cooked in the same pot! Bring it on, you half-baked biscuits! Mmmm Honey-coated spongecake

In the name of the moon, I shall punish you! Sounds kinky! PIKACHU!!! Everyone stay back – we’re having a domestic! Whenever you are feeling blue– I’m Sickle-me-Elmo! Kermie, I though you loved me! It’s not easy being forced to… murder your friends! IT’S HOWDY-DOODY TIME! YOU SHALL NOT PASS GO! Just a spoonful of MURDER! Captain Crunch You are the ultimate breakfast cereal! Eesh Rice Krispies should have won Worst video ever! We are back! I lied Allow me to Quinn-troduce ArtSpear Entertainment, AKA Joe & Rita

It’s just these two nerds above us making these videos on their lonesome And it sure ain’t easy! It takes oceans of time and continents of hard work But it’s super easy to help them out Subscribing only takes one second And it’s free! Of course, if you want to help more you can always become a sponsoring member of this channel

So jump aboard, cos there’s plenty more where this came from Move it, my pretties! Fanfictasia isn’t gonna build itself! Gotta go Holy end screen voice-over, Batgirl! Batman’s in trouble – we need to get out of this cell You listen to Short Round, you live longer! OK, I’m listening You see? You are still alive! Hi Chewie! ARRRRR

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