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CORONAVIRUS CURE INVENTED (Breaking News)

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BREAKING NEWS, SIR! My name is Dr Tea, and I’m extremely rich

Wait, no, that wasn’t the news The news is: I HAVE DISCOVERED A CURE FOR THE CORONAVIRUS! See, as I’m so rich, and I felt like I was in need of a hobby, I decided it would be quite fun to develop a cure for this virus, and I’ve been watching a lot of YouTube videos and it seems that the world is quite freaked out about it! So I performed a bit of research, and I’m here to inform you of my results Now, it has been shown, that the coronavirus bacteria can be killed with heavy drugs – specifically, the drug of alcohol This drug is extremely popular, so it shouldn’t be too much of a hassle to obtain it If you are under the legal alcohol-procuring age in your country, I recommend you simply stand outside the Alcohol Shop until an older person walks up, and then ask them if they will buy it for you

If they say no, then you will need to resort to threats, such as telling them you will slit their throat if they don’t do it I have used this method for many things and it usually works quite well So once you have procured your alcohol, here is what you need to do MAKE SURE YOU WATCH THIS ENTIRE VIDEO BEFORE ATTEMPTING THIS METHOD DO NOT TRY IT UNTIL YOU HAVE WATCHED THE ENTIRE VIDEO! Now, here is the method: For maximum efficiency, you should apply the alcohol to your organism both internally and externally

For the internal application, all you have to do is drink it The stronger the alcohol content of your beverage, the better For those of you who don’t know, because you are not cool enough to go to parties where people drink alcohol – haha! losers! – different drinks have different amounts of alcohol in them For example, champagne is my favorite alcoholic beverage, but the alcohol content is very low, so it will not kill the bacteria On the other hand, vodka has an alcohol content of about 40%

If you’re an experienced alcohol user and you know that you can handle your liquor, feel free to go for beverages with 90-100% alcohol content for maximum efficiency I think the best option in this alcohol range are hand sanitizers Think about it, hand sanitizers contain alcohol and they were intended to kill bacteria, so, it stands to reason, through the process of logical deduction, that since it both contains alcohol AND was designed to kill BACTERIA, and since BACTERIA is what we are attempting to kill, that it’s definitely the best type of alcohol to use in this situation Whatever alcohol you decide to go for, just make sure you don’t drink… CORONA BEER! Oh lord, I’m quite funny and smart Golly gosh

How do I come up with these things… Really, though Why would they name a virus after a beer? That’s how you know the world is corrupt, when beer companies are sponsoring viruses What’s next? OH MY GOD! THE AMAZONPRIMEVIRUS HAS BEEN SHOWN TO BE CONTAGIOUS AND IT’S INFECTING THE ENTIRE POPULATION!!! Anyway, keep in mind that alcohol is a deadly poison and if you drink too much of it, you will die For maximum efficiency, you want to drink so much alcohol that you get very close to the dying point, but don’t actually die I made this little graph where you can better see what I mean

The graph on the left shows you the correlation between the amount of alcohol you drink and your chances of dying The graph on the right shows you the correlation between the amount of alcohol you drink and the chances of the coronavirus bacteria dying You can see that both graphs meet at one point in the middle I’m not sure if this means anything, but it’s irrelevant, because our goal is to get here – to the point where you have 99% chance of dying At this point, the coronavirus bacteria also has the highest chance of dying

Unfortunately, I can’t give you any specific numbers as to how much alcohol you have to consume and this graph serves only as a demonstration, because everyone dies from alcohol at a different point It all depends on factors such as your height, weight, race, whether or not you are a transgender, and so on, so you just have to try and find out how much alcohol you need to drink to get slightly below the point of dying, which is somewhere around here Now, moving on For the external application, all you have to do is simply fill up your bathtub with alcohol and take a nice bath This way, your skin is able to absorb the alcohol from the outside, and combined with the alcohol that’s absorbed from the inside, all the alcohol will go through your body from both directions and therefore kill the bacteria in your entire body

Luckily, you can’t die from external application of alcohol, therefore everyone should go for liquids in the 90-100% range I recommend you apply the alcohol internally and externally at the same time, meaning that you should drink the alcohol during your bath If you’re a poor peasant and want to save money, you can simply drink the alcohol you are bathing in This way you won’t need to spend any extra money on the alcohol you apply internally Quite genius, really

And that’s it! That’s how you cure coronavirus, Sirs! I hope you found these tips helpful if you are infected or if you plan on getting infected in the near future If you want to help cure coronavirus, be sure to LIKE THIS VIDEO 1 Like = 1 person cured of the virus! If you don’t like this video, it means you DON’T CARE ABOUT THE VIRUS AND WANT PEOPLE TO DIE Also, if you want to be sure you don’t miss any more of my epic advice videos like this one, click the subscribe button, and click the bell to turn on notifications, as I post extremely informative tips like this every week, about things like how to cure the coronavirus, and how to be good at basketball! Bye! [pause a couple seconds] LEGAL DISCLAIMER: This method only works if you meet BOTH of these 2 conditions: You must be taller than 6 feet 9 inches, and you must weigh less than 10 pounds YOU MUST MEET *BOTH* OF THESE CONDITIONS IN ORDER TO USE THIS METHOD! So for example, if you are 6 feet 10 inches, but you weigh 11 pounds, then this method will not work for you! And likewise, if you weigh 9 pounds, but you are only 6 feet 8 inches tall, then this method will not work for you! Make sure you have both your height and weight sufficiently analyzed before attempting this method

If you do not meet the requirements and you use this method anyway, I am not responsible! Bye!

Source: Youtube

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