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*BREAKING* – NHL Returns to Action with Return to Play Plan [OFFICIAL] | Funny

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the following is a major announcement by the Commissioner of the NHL Barry Gettman hello and thank you all for being here At no fault of my own the NHL has had a setback in its season and despite my best efforts to bring the season back in April we are here today to announce that at the risk of players who mean nothing to me, the NHL will resume next week in the to hub cities the Yellowknife and Iqaluit the Yellowknife and Iqaluit are the perfect places for hockey and it's as far away from Toronto as we can get

The NHLPA feels that this is the best place for an extremely extended 47 team lottery playoff with endless frozen ponds to play on Now you may have some questions which I will answer each team will be playing in the playoffs so no one is left out or sad We've even added several teams from the WNHL for diversity and the possibility of more fans Playoff rounds will consist of best of five best of seven or best of eight games there will be many precautions put in place and several rule changes that I have made myself without consultation from the NHLPA the Board of Governors or TSN and NBC F or starters no checking hitting or physical contact of any kind we have removed all the boards and will extend ice surfaces to one square kilometer each player will wear protective masks but no visors they just get in the way

And just like the military players will be asked to stay away from their families until the Stanley Cup is being awarded A sacrifice that we all have to make except the owners and executives as soon as the Stanley Cup is awarded players will go back to their respective teams for early next season which has been extended to 160 games due to revenue loss with regards to the draft Edmonton will get first pick as usual and then I really don't care The weakest team will get the best player where they will ruin and break him until he leaves and wins a cup later in his career as a rental player These are what I thought of in the last 15 minutes before the press conference many have asked why we would make these changes well we've tried everything else to get a major television broadcast deal on behalf of the NHL I will leave you with this inspirational quote that I have written myself just now "It's not about the name on the back of the jersey or the crest on the front for that matter it's about all the money I'm gonna make"

hahahhaha you

Source: Youtube

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