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Black Widow Trailer Spoof – TOON SANDWICH

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I used to have nothing Then I got this job

And now I have nothing, and no free time Nat! Stop staring at yourself in the mirror like a weirdo We gotta go avenge some things You know I’m gonna have to avenge that mirror I know you’re out there

I know you know I’m out here So we gonna talk like grown-ups? Is that what we are? Well I don’t know about you, but the last time I went to the cinema I paid full price I thought that you would take my gun So I made sure it was empty My gun was empty too

I can’t believe you anticipated my carrying-an-empty-gun-anticipating-it-would-be- taken-and-used-against-me trick and used it against me! It’s good to see you too, sis I’ve missed our Gamora-Nebulous, love-hate, faux-sister rivalry What brings you home? Well, it’s where the heart is I thought it was wherever you lay your hat Well watch this hat get laid

Assuming that hat even belongs to you, you did not lay it – you dropped it You really want me to bend over, pick it up and place it back down again? Well that will be up to you But if you do not, I will have to call police because you are trespassing Before I was an Avenger, I made mistakes Attempting to deactivate a landmine by driving over it – that was a doozy

Hey! Why you trying to kill me? I am not a member of your family! His callsign’s Taskmaster But don’t let that fool you – he’s actually pretty chill He controls the Red Room And the Red ensuite Away from the gums! Remember to floss and plaque! They’re manipulated

Fully conscious but no choices To put another way, the lights are on, but someone else is paying the electricity bill Don’t you mean, the lights are on but someone else has moved in? Is more like the lights are on, you’re at home, but someone else is home also and they’re the ones turning the lights on and off I think it’s more like the lights are on but someone’s broken in and locked you in the cellar with the lights off The lights are on

Yes I get that the main house lights are on– All the lights are on! OK we’ve established that the lights are on! What we need to work out is how many people are home, who they are and what they’re doing We can’t go into this thing with our lights off Hallo! Is this 123 Assassin’s Way? No it’s 122 Assassin’s Way Wow They really are manipulated Hey, could you bring me back a pizza? What topping? Yes! We have unfinished business We gotta get right back to where we started from

Still fits After letting it out a little in the back And in solidarity with our prodigal daughter, I have changed name to fit her arachnoid theme Call me Daddy Long Legs I know what you’re thinking: Name is misleading I have regular-length legs for man living this close to Chernobyl Family

Back together again You got fat You got old You got Americanized Must we do this every time we sit down to a meal? Now you see why I’ve stayed away

This is such a toxic environment No Radiation has completely dissipated, yeah? Why is this water sparkling? It came from tap! We’re a family We fight with you Unless we haven’t caught up in a while – then we try to kill you – but after that, we fight with you

Ooh I need to stretch my legs AAAW! That's better! I’ve lived a lot of lives But I’m done running from my past I’m gonna try driving from it … My past is too fast! I’ll take you to task!

swinging from it PULL UP!!! and falling from it Give me some space, past

Geez Have you considered facing your past? Oh you mean like running backwards? I’m not sure if that would work as well

No, no – not running! I mean, confronting your past Dealing with it, head on I just don’t understand how that ends up with me being as far away from my past as possible For christ sakes, Natasha – aren’t I a part of your past? Are you going to run from me as w– Hey, you’re right – this does work! Eat my dust, past! Here’s what’s gonna happen Natasha, don’t slouch

I’m not slouching Listen to your mother Alright, enough! She's not my mother You are not my father And she is not my sister

Then why would I try to kill you? Witness protection ended years ago If I died, none of you would come to my funeral, assuming I even got one So if I want to slouch at this table I’ll slouch My spine is broken in at least three places Daddy will make it better I think ceiling is also now broken Become member of family and subscribe! Would you please stop adopting people into this fake family? I can’t handle any more siblings trying to kill me Not our family – ArtSpear Entertainment family – the home of Toon Sandwich! Everyone welcome, no one tries to kill you No one tries to kill you? Sounds too good to be true

Maybe I should subscribe You mean you haven’t already? I am shamed to call you my fake daughter! [YELENA] Look, it’s like lights are on but dishwasher is not working because it’s on different circuit [BLACK WIDOW] I think it’s like the lights are on but no one in the house turned them on and they’re being controlled from a remote location [YELENA] No – the lights are on, you’ve ordered Uber Eats, but the app is frozen and you don’t know how far away they are [BLACK WIDOW] No – the lights are on, the stadium’s lit, the supermarket’s open… but no one can leave their house because of quarantine

Source: Youtube

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